Jaren's Blog

April 20, 2010

Sorry, what did you say?

Filed under: Jaren's Writings — Jaren @ 2:38 pm

Have you ever stopped to think how important support systems are for your well-being?  Perhaps your greatest asset, one which is naturally placed highest on a list, is human interaction.  I intentionally define this broadly as it is all who surround us that are important.  Human interaction; whether in our deepest, longest lasting relationships or with the person we just met on the elevator are all important and invaluable.  Everyone has value to add, if we but just listen.  Profound, sincere listening opens doors to our understanding.  Greater perception builds knowledge which then allows us to develop.

We already know what we already know.  While this is a trite statement, think how valuable our understanding of this principle would be in our lives, if we knew what it really meant.  No matter how much information you regurgitate in sharing your words and ideas to others; it all comes from what you know.  Granted you may develop a different understanding by verbalizing but all you are doing is reorganizing stored input existing in your mind.

To really gain wisdom, knowledge, understanding, feeling or whatever you want to call it; we need to listen to others.  Listening is a skill; one we can improve on daily.  Active listening in relationships not only increases our life’s experiences, it builds relationships as well.  Think of those you enjoy being around, aren’t they the ones who really listen to what it is you have to say?

To be the best listener, one you would want to have pay attention to you; do some of the following.

Block out anything that may either disrupt you or give those you are with the feeling you are distracted.  Even if those you are communicating with suggest your distractions don’t matter, they do.  We have an innate ability to read our surroundings and subconsciously react to what is perceived.  Little things are noticed by our observers.  Know distractions detract, compensate by over emphasizing your complete attention to what is being said.

Have you ever been on a phone call where you were asked, “Are you there?”  This reaction is asking for validation you are listening.  What is to be learned is how important our clarifying that we are listening is in communication.  I lived in Australia; Australians have a custom of breathing in deeply every so often while listening during communication.  This is evidence to those communicating that they are engaged.  Our take away is that we must stay active without interfering.  This can be done with an occasional verbal acknowledgement such as: your right that is amazing, you have got to be kidding me or even a simple Hu ah (heard acknowledged and understood).

When in communication, how often are we thinking of what we are going to say next?  Are we even slightly distracted by internal feelings brought to conversation.  To be effective in getting the intended message from others; we need to turn off the outside world.  As we begin conversation, turn off all other thoughts.  These feelings can actually take away from what it is we need to learn.  If we bring our own ideas to conversation, our biases to what is being said will influence us.  To feel where another is coming from, we need to listen without preconceived ideas or thoughts.  Never have in mind, what it is we are desirous of saying, until we are asked a question.  Delaying with an answer or response will not be taken wrong at all; it validates or intensity in listening.

Don’t interrupt or try to take the conversation where you want ideas to go.  We all know how frustrating it is to get a message out when the other is occupied by their own agenda.  If there is a distraction, a phone call or someone coming into our space; stay engaged.  If it is important enough for the other party to butt in, they will.

Listen from the very beginning with observation of body language and facial movements.  Don’t try to figure out what is going to be said, the slowest thinkers are thinking faster than the fastest talkers.  Let your mind take in the entire communication using all your senses.  Take notes if the details are to be remembered.  This act is very exciting to someone speaking as it suggests a point made has value.

Understand that while you are observing a communicator intensely; they are watching you as well.  Have a posture of interest, lean toward them, look into their eyes and give appropriate facial expressions.

Finally, if you don’t understand what was said, ask for clarification.  This may require restating what you understood, this validates your interest.  If the points being made are emotional, make comments such as, “I see how you feel or that makes sense.”  If it is new information say something such as, “That is interesting or so what you are saying…”

With learning and developing some of these ideas in communication, many will gravitate to wanting to be with you.  As your relationships grow and others feel comfort in sharing with you, your knowledge will expand.  Our greatest minds, best inventions and happiest life’s lived come from learning from others.  We can’t learn if we are not listening!

Jaren

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1 Comment »

  1. Jaren,

    There is wisdom in these words of yours.

    I have indeed been blessed by attracting many friends by simply listening to them.
    Over the years, I have been a helpful confidant, sounding board, or one that they might come to seeking an opinion or point of view.
    As you indicated, listening, not only helps the person speaking be able to get their message out, but also may enable the listener to gain new knowledge or points of view.

    Cheers,
    Brent

    Comment by Brent — April 22, 2010 @ 2:17 pm | Reply


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